My brain’s logic….

the-absolute-funniest-posts:

News in Britain: stamps have gone up 14 pence
News in America: cannibal eats man’s face

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theepichumor:

If I was a celebrity I would go knocking on doors and be like hello yes it’s me

I would ride the bus to confuse people.

I would stalk a fan, find out where they work, and bring them a coffee.

I would make a tumblr about myself and secretly fangirl about how amazingly awesome I am.

I spent ten minutes trying to come up with a creative one.. whoops negative I got nothing

the-absolute-funniest-posts:

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The difference between bees and wasps.
Bee: Hi there friend! How are you today? I'm just doing my job, pollinating flowers and all, no need to be afraid of me, I'm just happy I get to enjoy this wonderful weather with you.
Wasp: Oh hey motherfucker, wanna go? I swear I will kill any cunt stupid enough to get 3 feet near me, I can sting you, and it will be the nastiest feeling you've had in awhile. Buzz Buzz, asshole. Bet that hurts doesn't it? Stupid fuck.